I Fell Out Of Love With Blogging

I’ve been wanting to write and publish this post for a long time now but life has gotten in the way so many times and it’s been pushed back again and again.

I’ve really wanted to spend hours getting that perfect flat lay, rounding up all the products I’m so excited to talk about and penning all my thoughts down onto this blog for you guys. I’ve wanted to boost my Instagram engagement (haven’t we all?!), natter away with you all on nightly twitter chats and get that sense of community back that I’ve really missed. I’ve honestly missed it all and I’ve wanted to come back so many times this year but I just couldn’t bring myself to.

 

I can’t exactly put my finger on why it’s taken me so long, but it’s been a combination of a lot of things. I loved blogging, I felt such a passion and commitment to you guys and my little space online. A day wouldn’t go by where I wouldn’t be taking photos or planning content and social media posts but eventually that all dwindled out and it became almost a chore. I felt like I was writing, just to write and not saying anything with the meaning or the love I originally set out with.

Over time I had lost my inspiration and my passion for the subject. The blogging community wasn’t as supportive as it was when I first started, it became a whole different place, with a lot of drama, bitchiness and ridicule. It suddenly didn’t seem enough anymore to take photos on the floor next to my living room window with my well used, dented lipsticks and powders that had hit the pan. I felt as if I needed the brand new, pristine beauty launches that had never been touched, with no grubby finger prints on those pesky reflective surfaces whilst it all being balanced on a £200k flower wall that Kim K would dream of. I felt like I didn’t compare to those gorgeous blogs with photos worthy of vogue, and writing that had the most beautiful flow I could only wish to achieve.

Around the time I stopped blogging, a few things changed in my life. First off, I started a completely new job role, in a new company, in a new department, on a new shift pattern and the adjustment was hard. I moved into a Network Operation Engineer role which I absolutely love, but working 12 hour shifts (including night shifts) unfortunately doesn’t sit hand in hand with blogging. Doing 12 hour long shifts, with the whole day spent in front of multiple screens, the last thing I want to do when I get home at 7:30 AM/PM is go back onto a computer to blog. The shifts also meant that because I would spend the entirety of the day working, so on my days off I wanted to go exciting places, catch up with friends, run errands and just generally be out the house so I felt as I wasn’t ‘wasting’ my days off. Suddenly I’d be back to work again, and three weeks would have passed without me blogging so much as one word. I’d feel so guilty, and upset that I couldn’t keep up with my once loved hobby. Sometimes I’d spend a few hours taking a bulk load of photos to force me back into the habit of it, only for them to sit on my MacBook unedited for months on end. I was just wasting my time and only making myself feel worse about it all.

At this point, I had well and truly fallen out of love with blogging. But coincidentally I did fall in love with a man…

When I told my mum I was going to write this post about where I had been, she said “are you just going to put a picture of Jordan?” and I suppose that says a lot. I originally started my blog a few years back when started working a 4 day on, 4 day off shift pattern, and I would be off work on awkward days of the week, with not much to fill my time whilst my friends and family were at work. However, when I met Jordan, he was between jobs, so this meant we could spend a lot of our free time together, and suddenly my blogging weekdays were filled with exciting trips to the beach or theme parks. The excitement of a new relationship, combined with awkward night shifts and the passion and love I had lost for my blog, meant it really took a back seat.

Although, yes I did fall out of love with my blog, I’m now at the stage where I would really like to get back into it. As I said, I miss all of the parts and the people that go along with blogging, and I’d love to get back to how I was, but I do need to change my outlook. I’m going to try and get return to the head space that I had when I began this little blog a few years back, that I posted what I wanted, when I could, to the best of my ability, without feeling all these external pressures I previously mentioned. I want to get emilyloula back on its feet, I want to write posts for you guys to enjoy, I just want to blog again…

So here’s hoping that this isn’t just a “where I’ve been” post, but also a “I’M BACK” post…

emily x

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